Men hating on women for talking about their abuse trauma is high key cringe

Culture and politics regularly influence each other and so, here at The Kansas Constitutional, we feel it is important to address the growing phenomenon of men hating on women who make videos talking about their day, or their trauma, or their romantic partner, or whatever. The number of innocent videos of women I see online and the number of comments on those videos from men trying to assassinate her character without actually knowing anything about her aside from what is provided in the video is utterly disgusting (and by the way, did you notice the number of likes those comments above got?).

For any men who do this, just FYI, you’re not an “alpha male,” you’re a soy boy.

I chose to talk about this video especially because of how important I think it is. I am very grateful to be able to say that I have never been in an abusive relationship, and I hope I never am. However, I have dated a couple of guys who, prior to dating me, were in abusive relationships, and their thoughts were the same as the woman’s in the video. I, also, know and love people who were in abusive relationships and they have talked openly to me about what it is like to finally be in a good relationship after a bad relationship that left them with trauma.

As someone who was the partner of two previous abuse victims, and as someone who knows people in healthy relationships now after being in abusive relationships, to the men who say she is now the abuser, you’re wrong. The people I dated who were in abusive relationships prior to being with me were some of the best men I have ever dated. I loved being in a relationship with them because of how kind, genuine, and all around amazing they were as a person. Both times the relationship ended for the exact same reason as they both later admitted to me: Because they didn’t think they deserved me because I was “too good for them.”

Did they break my heart? Absolutely. However, I look back today and I don’t feel heartbroken that they dumped me. I feel heartbroken by the fact that they couldn’t see the shining star of a human being they truly were and felt that they deserved to be treated worse. Something I am sure they are both still working on, and something I hope to God they overcome so that they can be in loving relationships with men who treat them like the kings they are.

Abusers look for the best people and emotionally destroy them until the abuse victim can’t see how high value they truly are, because that’s the only way that an abuser will be able to keep them around. There’s a reason why abuser rhymes with loser. While most people would hear about physical abuse and think that’s the worst thing ever, the abuse victims I know have always said that they preferred the physical abuse over the mental and emotional abuse. That is why the woman in the video is so shocked when she talks about her husband complimenting her and listening to her. She is struggling to see the value in herself that her husband sees in her due to the emotional abuse she’s received. That doesn’t make her a bad person. That doesn’t mean she’s now an abuser. That means she is struggling to find her self-worth where her husband already sees her worth, and it is absolutely okay for her to struggle with that journey that was forced upon her, and a good partner will understand and will be there for as long as the abuse victim will allow them to be there.

I’ve been absolutely horrified by the rise in men who hate on women online, and what that could possibly mean in the future. There are literal videos of women just talking about their day that go viral because so many men are hating on them.

I don’t subscribe to modern day feminism nor men’s rights activism as I’ve heard both sides and think that, while both do touch on very real and important issues, both sides also subscribe to an overwhelming amount of unhinged and toxic ideologies I don’t wish to be a part of. I state this because while this article may come off as me saying, “Men need to do better,” I hope it’s clear that I’m really not targeting all men. I think it should be pretty clear from my above statements that I completely understand that it doesn’t matter what sex or sexual orientation you are, anyone can be a victim of abuse. I am simply addressing the growing number of men online hating on women for things they don’t deserve to be hated on for.

I’m really not here to pick one side or the other in the battle of the sexes. In reality, society needs both men and women in order to survive, so I pick both. We need to come together with the understanding that we are inherently different, and all face societal struggles. We need to listen to each other as individual people and not just ignore each other’s issues and assume things like I’ve seen so many men do to women and like I’ve seen so many women do to men, including me. Both sexes need to do better, I am just focusing more on men on this one issue as they tend to be the ones I see more attacking women online like in the above screenshots.